Focus on the Wonderful

11 Jan

Focus on the Wonderful.

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Focus on the Wonderful

11 Jan

“If you focus on all that is awful, you will miss all that is wonderful.” Doe Zantamata

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My family was in Miami. They sent me a picture of themselves wearing smiles, sunglasses, and sun as they lounged by their amazing hotel pool. I missed them. I was thinking, “If this was last year, I would be with them.” Then I looked up. . .

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And started laughing. I sat, eating my lunch on a bench, overlooking the ocean. The sun was shining above me and I was warm enough without a coat or even a scarf. I had just come from strolling the farmers market surrounded by fresh and vibrant food, produce, and flowers. These are some of my most favorite things in life. Why in the world was I sitting there feeling sorry for myself? 

Be very careful what you focus on in any moment. It is easy to be blinded by negative thinking. Remember to look up and out at all you have. Be grateful right now. You will feel better instantaneously.

“If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over head, and a place to 
sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the world. Just that – doesn’t that call for some
gratitude? If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed
than the million who will not survive this week because of illness. If you have money in your
bank, any money in the bank, or even in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8 percent of the world’s wealthy. 92 percent of the people don’t have that. If you can attend a church meeting without fear, that is fear of arrest or torture or death, you are more blessed than 3 billion people in the world. If you’ve never experienced the danger of battle or the lioneliness of imprisonment or the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world today. If your parents are still alive or still married, you are very rare – even in the United States. So, if you have the opportunity to think as you choose to think, to worship as you choose to worship, and you have a little bit of change in your pocket, and you’ve got your health, then you got someone that cares about you. Then you have an awful lot to be grateful for. And treasuring our divinity means being in a constant state of appreciation, looking for occasions to be joyful, to be happy, to be in a state of gratitude. Every time I find a penny or a nickel or a dime on the street, anytime, I bend over, I pick it up, and I say, “Thank you, God” as a reminder of the abundance that flows into my life – when I’m just walking and breathing.”
Wayne Dyer

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Don’t Wait For Change

11 Oct

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She Waited

12 Oct

She Waited

 “ I even miss the fighting!” She declared to me. The way she talked about him had my heart warm and my throat tight.

This woman was a renaissance, looking at pictures of her in her youth, she would have given Audrey Hepburn a run for her money in any beauty contest. She is intelligent and funny and everyone always gather near to hear what she has to say. She has many people in her life and is grateful for every last one of them. She paints a holiday card every year to send out to friends and family with eight being a recurring symbol as a tribute to her strong Jewish faith. She tells stories of younger days when she sculpted and drew and had dinner parties in her small apartment in New York City. She ran beauty salons and danced and has a love for jazz. Her life seemed to encompass all the glory that was the roaring twenties.

Now eighty-nine, she rests in her bed, with her left leg two inches shorter than her right due to a surgery gone wrong, and moves her knees up and down to the beat. She often jokes that this is the closest she can get to dancing now. Her favorite musician, Oscar Peterson, is playing in the background. I stare at this smiling woman as tears glisten in her eyes and then run down her cheeks. She is telling me about her marriage, being with the love of her life, her husband, gone now for several years. Love does not know time and exceeds someone’s passing. The heart does not forget and can continue to give through anything, even death. Her tears expressed sadness, but also joy, the happiness of being able to spend most of her life with the person she always had her eyes on.

Roland was his name, and she knew he was the man for her by the time she was sixteen. He was a friend of the family and she first met him when her mother took her up to the Catskills at a gathering centered around dance lessons. She expressed her interest to him and Roland, ten years her senior, told her she was too young and too naïve, that she had to go out there and date in order to really know what she wanted. Over the years she would run into him now and would continue to try to win his heart but he never returned her feelings. Not to be discouraged, she continued to live her life, to date, and to dance, to wait for him. But one day her mother called to tell her that Roland had married someone else.

“I was devastated.” She tells me. “ I felt like my life was over.” Proving that even as strong and independent as this incredible woman was, there is no hiding from a broken heart. She leans forward and speaks softer to tell me that even through this she knew he was the one for her, married or not.

Two years later it somehow gets back to her through the gossip chain that things had not gone well for Roland and his bride and they had split up. She had fallen out of touch with him and proceeded to call anyone that might know how to contact him. Of course she was successful.

“I told him I had to see him, that it was very important and he consented to my pushy ways.” It has now been ten years since her initial pursual. He asked her what was so important and she replied to him very seriously “Roland, I have done as you said, I have dated and dated. I have dated very nice men, I have dated very rich men, I have dated very smart men and very handsome men, but you are the only one I want to marry.” Her look is sly and beaming as she tells me, “and that was that.”

This amazing formidable woman got her way, they were married and lived happily ever after until he passed. They were best friends, had kids and enjoyed one another to the fullest. She loved him so much that now that he is gone, she even misses the fighting.

When You Least Expect It

5 Oct

 As a single woman, I have heard the phrase “It will happen when you least expect it” many times. I have grinned or sneered in response depending on the moment. As human beings we struggle in chaos and the unknown, we thrive on facts and proof. We want to know how the story ends. We are told we can have anything we want as long as we work hard enough at it.

No one told me while I watched Cinderella pull on her glass slipper that I would have no control over who would love me. I would have no way of knowing the random people that would show up in my life and decide to share a piece of their heart or break mine. There isn’t a rule that says if you give love it will be returned. The chemistry or connection that develops with any person is not a guarantee and might not be immediate or might not be at all. I didn’t know and so I have tried to control these things, tried to force myself to love or to be loved, have studied the self-help and relationship books, and have even made up lists of characteristics in a partner to check off (advice from one of the books) but control and love just don’t seem to mix. Instead things work out in ways most of us could never have imagined or planned for.

I share these stories to give hope to those who are still waiting and to offer inspiration and joy to those who have found it, with the additional faint thought that maybe one day I will add my own story to the collection. I now cling to the evidence and present it to you as proof that love has found people, many people … when they least expected it.